When you wakes up it’s slow and painful and you have to focus incredibly hard on just breathing past the pain. You move your head carefully, carefully and look around to see Randus there, checking on some potion or another.
(You’re wrapped in bandages and every bit of skin that you can see of yours is raw or bruised and it all hurts)
You remember climbing into the fuse, and then pain and that’s it.
You slowly breath in and try to talk but what you get out is the most wheezy “Um” you’ve ever made in your life.
But it’s enough to alert Randus, who immediately looks over at you, and he says “Smith!’
And quite suddenly he is leaning over you looking incredibly concerned.
There is a quiet moment where all you can do is breath, and then eventually you manage to work out, “What… happened?”
He starts explaining, and you can barley focus.
But it sounds good, it sounds like you’ve won.
At some point he leaves for a moment and comes back with Torq and Orem(And that certainly doesn’t make it any easier to focus). But you know now that The Thing was in you, that now it’s gone. That you look normal and also you’ve been lying here nearly dead for a few days now.
You don’t think you’ve ever felt so exhausted without even moving before, but before you know it you’ve fallen asleep again, amidst all their talking.
(You wake up and fall asleep a few more times like this. Each one of them hugs you at some point, very carefully)
Back at the Exilarchy everyone wants there to be a party, or a speech, or something. They want you to be recognized. So heavily supported on both sides by Randus and Torq you all walk out to cheering.
And everyone (even you) is smiling and then Bao Bell Bina walks up to you and the cheering stops because you’ve kind of been turned to ash
You wake up in a pool and apparently you’ve been there for a while because most of your wounds have closed up and only hurt when you touch them now.
For the first time you properly examine the big scar on your chest and all of the jagged, lighting-like ones everywhere else.
(You decide it could be worse. You could have died)
You can actually stand on your own with a little difficulty (it’s shaky, but no longer painful).
There are bunch of belongings spread out on a table- most of them are Randus’s. You carefully put them on and go to look around and find Orem and Randus -Torq joins you after a moment.
They all seem surprised that you’re walking (hell, you’re surprised you’re walking).
And Bao Bina explains to everyone what’s going on and you’re piled onto a cloud (And everyone looks at you and you say “I’m okay I’m fine I promise”)
Then you get into a fight with a minotaur and without even thinking you channel magic like you’ve been doing for what seems a long time now and something feels wrong.
It hurts and as soon as the spell is out of you you gasp.
(It hits, at least).
You feel your vision darken a bit and all your scars start aching all over.
(The the police come before you recover and even when you’re put back on your feet you’re still reeling and dizzy)
And you ride on the cloud back with this guy named Ket and everything hurts,again
Why you think, does it hurt, theres’ no moon stuff left in me and then it makes sense because that is why you were able to do this in the first place, and now that there’s no lunar god in you you have no magic left. Whatever you’re using for magic now is the leftovers, and that wont last forever.
Everyone gets back to the Vineyard and gets to work, but you don’t know what to do. So you find a place to sit down and pinch the bridge of your nose and wonder just what am I going to do now?
And it comes time again for you all to set out and you still haven’t said anything about it.
And you’re at the warehouse and fuck everyone’s in danger and again without considering it you throw a spell
It’s one of your more powerful ones, and yeah it does some good damage but your blood also feels like it’s on fire and you’re brought to your knees, vision swimming.
You guess the rest of the fight goes well because eventually Randus is kneeling by you with his hand on your back asking what’s wrong. You’re pretty sure you know but you say that you don’t because you wish you didn’t.
You sit holding your head while the others investigate this obelisk. Your scars ache.
And you know that this is going to happen every time and get the sinking feeling that you’re not going to be much help fighting anymore.
The group gets to the Cloud and Thunder and they all go off to gamble or whatever it is they’re doing.
You have to go lie down.
You fade in and out of sleep and eventually you have to get on your way again.
You’re not in pain anymore at least. Randus seems to be keeping an eye on you.
Then you get back to the Vineyard, everyone goes to research or to practice- execpt you. You mostly sit and consider what the hell am I going to do now.
Eventually you work up your courage and walk into the library and manage to catch the other three all together in the library. (That Ket guy has gone somewhere, again)
You say “Um, guys… I need to talk with you”
And they all after put down what they’re doing look up at you
Randus says “What’s up
You take a deep breath, and it all comes tumbling out, how your magic is gone and how it hurts now and how beyond that you don’t really know how to fight so you don’t think your going to be able to help so much anymore.
They stare at you. You can feel yourself shaking.
Then Torq says slowly , “Now, just because you can’t fight don’t make you useless, you know. You’re a smart kid, and you already done a lot. If yer gonna get yourself hurt by doing your magic then don’t do it”
Randus and Orem look at each other then they look at you and nod.
So you nod back and after a moment or two of silence you back out of the room and your legs give out and you slump against the wall.
While you do feel better, you still don’t feel good.
In a minute or so Ranudus comes out and sits next to you. He doesn’t say a word, and neither do you. He just wraps an arm around you.
And after a while he says “You feel kind of warm”
You look confused and he looks concerned and he moves his hand to your forehead and says “Yeah, I’d call that a fever”
You say “I don’t feel bad” and he says “I’ve heard that before”
A moment of silence and then
“Please. Get some rest”
He sounds strained. So you nod, and you do. And before you drift off you remember something someone said, you think you had called her Missy. She had told you that all of that moon energy couldn’t be good for your body and you’re terribly afraid she was right.
Torq
Smith dies, and naturally Torq thinks of it as a tragedy; the loss of a friend always is.
He had always been taught that if someone killed a friend you killed them right back, harder. But the Thing(yes, the actual, literal, Thing) was already dead and there’s nothing left to get revenge on. He is forced to clench his fists and grieve silently as he carries the body onto the airship.
He always thought like this: What’s done is done, who’s dead is dead, remember them, but don’t dwell on them forever. But this time he’s having trouble with the not-dwelling on it bit.
He wants to rest, and he doesn’t want to deal with philosophical problems, so Torq takes a nap. There seems to be a problem.
(Normally his dreams are completely incoherent .They involve a lot of food, and a lot of violence and that tends to mix in strange ways. This one is sane, comparatively)
He’s on the moon. Smith (not James, Torq decides. I knew him as Smith, so I’ll remember him as Smith) is also on the moon, standing in the same place his body was laying and looking at least somewhat alive.
Smith gives a small wave.
“Hey now” Torq says” You’re dead. And we were buddies so there’s no reason to haunt me”
Ghost-Smith shakes his head
He says “I’m not haunting you, Torq, I just wanted to say goodbye, and I’m sorry”
(Torq is the first to admit that he’s not so smart, but he does know that this isn’t how normal hauntings go)
He shakes his own head. “Now,” he starts “you were a very close friend of mine, and I’m sorry to see you go. I don’t know what you’re here being sorry at me for, cause in my opinion you went out a hero. And if you’ve gotta go then I guess that’s the best way”
Smith smiles in that small lopsided way of his, and offers out his hand.
He says “Thanks, Torq”
Torq takes it, and in his way pulls Smith into a hug (because he knows leaving it with just a handshake is not the right way to go)
“I am gonna miss you, you know. I’ll get you that statue”
Smith laughs
“I’m gonna miss you too, Torq”
(Torq never mentions this to anyone else, but he remembers it, always. And dwells on it a little bit too, even though he knows he’s not supposed to)
Orem
Orem is about as tired as an eladrin can be, both physically and emotionally.
He tries to meditate, but he can’t get focused. There’s a lot on his mind (well just one thing, mostly) and it takes him much longer than normal to settle down.
And the very first vision that comes to him in the haze of his reflection is, of course, Smith.
He assumes its a guilt trip, from his own subconscious.
He assumes that this is what he deserves.
Orem looks up at the apparition.
He composes himself and says, carefully “I know that I’ve messed up. I let you die down there and whatever you’re here for I’m certain I’ll get what I deserve.”
The way Smith’s ghost stands there and looks confused certainly doesn’t fit with what Orem had in mind.
“Go on” he says, “Let me have it”
What’s even stranger is when the ghost grins and says, “Now I know I’m dead, I get to see the great Orem Rivendorn is feeling guilt”
And Orem continues to watch as Smith shakes his head and says, “Sorry. I’m not here for anything like that. I just wanted a proper goodbye, was all”
He says “Orem,what happened up there wasn’t your falut you know. It was kind of the lunar god’s falult”
Orem shakes his head, he says ’ I let you climb down there, I wasn’t able to find another way, and now you’re dead, so-”
And he can’t find the words, Orem just sighs and shakes his head.
Smith crouches down and puts a hand on Orem’s shoulder
“To be honest” he says “I’m not sure if there was another way. So don’t be to hard on yourself”
(He really can’t believe he’s saying that to Orem Rivendorn of all people, but he really can’t believe he’s dead, either)
“At any rate the worst is done, and you’ve got people who are still alive and who still depend on you. So don’t let them down. And…”
He stops himself. It’s ridiculous, but…
“And what?” asks Orem
He has to smile.
“Statue. Don’t forget.”
(Orem remembers the vision with absolute clarity, but never, never mentions it, or even writes it down)
Randus
Randus doesn’t sleep for a while.
He sits by himself on the way back to the Exilarchy, considering it all; for some reason, he can’t stop shaking.
He won’t sleep before the funeral either, and after there’s no time.
So it happens in the pool, in Shallai.
He sees Smith, and for a brief moment he feels relief.
Then dread, because this isn’t right. He held the body, Smith died in his arms.
He looks at the spirit, who looks like he’s about to speak.
Randus holds up and speaks first.
“I know this is dream” he says “And I’m still trying to come to terms with it all. Your death and all”
And Smith says “Yeah. This is dream. And I’m dead, and I just really wanted to say goodbye before whatever happens afterwards”
And they both become very quiet.
“Well” says Randus in a tiny voice, “Goodbye then”
(He’s still shaking,even in his dreams)
He knows that it isn’t good enough, after everything. Smith makes a tiny step forward and Randus can’t stop himself from lurching forward and grabbing him in a hug.
(And if he wasn’t floating in a pool he would certainly have woken up with tears on his face)
Smith hugs back as tight as he can, because this is his last stop before who knows where (and gods is he going to miss all these people).
“Goodbye” Smith says “I hope I see you someday, just not too soon, alright?”
Randus holds on to Smith until he wakes up.
(And he holds onto the memory of that dream for far longer.)
You climb out of the fuse, fingers and chest (and feet and face) still tingling with energy.
You’re vaguely aware of what happened, but it was looks like it’s over now.
Orem has had is legs fall from under him, Torq is still standing with his axe out. Coil is making whirring noises They all look pretty bad.
And Randus….
He’s lying on his side and there’s far far more blood than there should be.
You run over as best you can,but your legs still feel like they’re asleep and just as you get to him you wobble and fall to one knee.
You put your hands on his shoulders and say “Randus, Randus!”
His eyes flutter open and there’s so much blood
(The Thing that came out of you had taken a huge chunk of flesh out of his chest)
You’re in a panic, “Which needle should I use?” you ask, fumbling around his with his belts and pouches.
He finds your hands with his.
He says “It’s not gonna be any use” and it’s barley a whisper and gods no it’s not allowed to be this way.
You can already feel the tears coming.
You whisper “No, no”
He squeezes your hands. Where does he get off smiling at a time like this.
He says”Take care of those two for me, yeah?”
You start sobbing, head on this chest.
You hear his last breath. You feel his hands go limp.
You had the Thing inside of you. The Thing that killed him. You should have been able to do something about this.
At some point Torq gently pulls you away and wraps him up in a cloak
At some point Thony comes and you all get on the airship. Orem puts his hand on your shoulder and you choke out “I’m sorry”, not even really directed towards him. He says “You don’t have to be”
(At some point you notice that you’re not fuzzy anymore. You feel almost apathetic about it)
The tingling of extra energy in you stops, because now everything feels kind of numb.
You found his robot assistant, battered and broken and the whole trip back you do nothing more than hold it and gently turn it over in your hands, trying to move the broken bits back to where you remember them.
As if it will fix something if you get it working again.
At the Exilarchy there is a funeral. You barely keep yourself from crying all over again during the speeches, and then its time for you to say something and…
Someone says quietly to you, “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t think you can” but even though you don’t know what to say you know you need to say something.
You go in front of everyone and stand quietly for a moment. Everything seems far away, you notice that you’re still wearing his armor. You wonder if he would have survived if you haven’t traded.
You say, to all these people “I’m sorry”
The first thing you notice is how flushed his cheeks are, it’s a bit worrying, you suppose, but it’s cold enough out that it doesn’t seem fishy so you don’t mention it.
The second thing is when he pauses and gets a funny look on his face and then sneezes twice in quick succession. You do mention that one. You say, “Are you feeling alright?”
And he says “Um!”
He says, “I think I’m getting a cold, is all”
You can’t help but frown; you say “You ought to get some rest then”
-
What ends up happening is you dragging him inside, sitting him down on the couch and walking over to the kitchen as he says, “I don’t feel bad, honest”
You say, “Not yet! Hopefully you won’t at all.” as you struggle to find ingredients for soup.
By the time you’ve finished making it you walk in to find him curled up, head on his arm. You ask“Smith?” and he blinks open his eyes and looks up at you.
He says, “Huh?”
He says, “Sorry, I guess I dozed off.”
His voice sounds a bit scratchy, you feel your frown deepen.
You hand him the soup and he gives you a confused look, but starts eating at your encouragement.
He looks bashful, he says, “You don’t have to do this you know”- at the end he does something you’ve been dreading, sniffle.
You reply, “Even if you don’t feel like you need help, I’m going to give it. If only for my own peace of mind.”
He looks at his hard at his soup and shrugs.
-
You spend the majority of the next few days with Smith curled up in your lap. Mostly he naps, when he’s awake he tries to muffle his sneezes and sniffles from you as much as he can.
He doesn’t complain at all. Every time you ask how he’s feeling he’ll say, quietly, “I have a headache, it’s not that bad” although you suspect that it is that bad.
You mostly just run your fingers through his hair and try and get him to go back to sleep.
You get him water when he needs it and try to get him to eat when he’s awake. It’s all you can do, really. You really don’t like when people get sick.
( You’ve tried making cold medicines before, you’ve never made one that works.)
-
He starts to recover after a couple of days, says the headache is gone and stops falling asleep so much. Eventually he’s walking around all normal and all the sickness is gone and after he bathes you kiss him right one the nose (which he’s breathing through perfectly fine through now, thank you very much).
You feel like you have to ask, you say, “So are you embarrassed about getting sick or something? The way you were acting…”
He shakes his head. He says, “I- the state I was in, I- I didn’t want you hanging around me so much. I didn’t want you to get sick too”
You smile properly for the first time this whole experience and hug him. You say, “Maybe I will. I guess someone’s gonna have to cuddle with me then, huh?”
You can practically hear him blush.